AMC: Starting Over
by Stelena-Beautiful
Summary: Saying "goodbye" is hard. Starting over is even harder ... This is a cast fic which will feature some characters from other cancelled soap operas. Thank you for reading!


**Starting Over**

_**This is an AMC ensemble story that will, at times, feature characters from other cancelled soap operas.**_

**Note:** Teenage Emma Lavery is "portrayed" by actress Stefanie Scott.

**Chapter 1: Going Backwards**

"_Final boarding call for Flight 4901 – Los Angeles to Pine Valley, Pennsylvania."_

"That's us – we have to hurry!" Kendall Hart said, reaching for Ian's left hand and giving it a tug, pulling him forward as best as she could. She now regretted putting on these new black Louboutin stilettos. They were five inches in height and the heels were pencil-thin making running up an escalator not only difficult, but dangerous too. She had not gotten the chance to break them in either so the straps were biting into her ankles, rubbing her sensitive skin raw. She wanted to screech in, if not pain, at least irritation, but she wasn't about to do so. Not in the middle of a crowded airport where everyone was already staring at them in exasperation as they literally climbed the escalator, jostling other riders all the way up, in their hurry to make their flight on time.

Ian extracted his hand and whispered, _"Mom!" _in an accusing voice. Of course. He was nine. No nine year old boy wanted to hold hands with a girl, especially if said girl was their mother.

"Sorry," Kendall whispered back and gave him what she hoped passed for an apologetic smile. She looked back at the three stragglers in their traveling party. Spike was halfway down the escalator, Emma somewhere near the bottom, and Greenlee, looking pale and exhausted, was just barely climbing on.

"We have to hurry," Kendall reiterated. "We can't miss our flight."

"Whose idea was it to fly commercial anyway?" Emma muttered, somehow hearing Kendall over the loud din. Her reed-thin arms were crossed and her sandal-clad, pink feet were firmly planted on one stair. She was clearly refusing to do any hiking. Apparently the others were okay with missing the flight. Kendall empathized with them. This wasn't a happy occasion. They were returning to Pine Valley for Thanksgiving but it wasn't because of the holiday or any of the accompanying festivities that went with the celebration. They were returning because they _had to._ They were going to have to say goodbye and no one was looking forward to that.

Kendall shrugged, not knowing how to answer Emma. She very well could have called her ex-husband and had him send his private jet to California to pick them up but that would have involved actually talking to Zach and sometimes that was just so hard for her.

_But at least he's alive. At least he's alive and I can still be pissed at him,_ Kendall thought as she finally reached the landing.

_Greenlee doesn't have that luxury._

Kendall berated herself for not having swallowed her pride. She looked at Greenlee again. Greenlee was leaning heavily on the railing as the escalator slowly climbed upwards. She looked miserable and Kendall's heart hurt for her best friend. Her heart hurt for herself too, if she were completely honest. She had loved Ryan as well. Not only was he Spike's father, he had been her _everything _once upon a time too - a time when things seemed a hell of a lot simpler.

Kendall hadn't allowed herself to cry over this. She wouldn't, not for awhile anyway. Greenlee, Spike, Emma… They had to be her priority right now. She could come apart when no one was looking, when no one was leaning on her, depending on her to be stronger than she felt that she knew how to be.

Kendall's heels finally met solid ground and she and Ian stood off to the side of the landing while they waited for the other three. Spike was the next off the escalator and Kendall sighed as she looked at the miserable expression in his gray eyes. In almost every way, even at the age of eleven, he was the spitting image of his father Ryan. Handsome, tall, lean, with impossible-to-believe-it-didn't-come-from-a-bottle bronzed skin. Kendall's chest clenched.

"Hey, Spike," Kendall said as he came towards her. She wanted to hug him so hard but she didn't dare, knowing somehow that he wouldn't appreciate it, especially right now. He scuffed his large Converse shoes on the ground as he walked, half-hiding his face inside the lining of his orange hoodie. She didn't know what else to say right now. Nothing that came to mind sounded appropriate. Ryan was supposed to be there for Spike. He was supposed to say and do all the right things. But he wouldn't. Ever again. He was gone. Just gone. And he wasn't coming back.

As she had expected would be the case, Spike didn't answer Kendall. He just crossed his sinewy arms and turned to stare down the escalator. Emma finally reached the landing and she walked off and stood a good five to six feet away from Kendall and her sons. Emma's ice blue eyes were sharp and all-seeing and she held herself rigidly around her tiny waist. She was wearing a pink and white slip dress and the thought briefly flitted through Kendall's mind that once they landed in Pennsylvania, she was going to regret not having worn a sweater. But it wasn't Kendall's place to tell Emma what to wear or what to do. Greenlee was her stepmother.

Though the sad truth was that Emma and Greenlee just didn't communicate all that well, and they never had. Greenlee had tried very hard to break down Emma's walls and Emma had always resisted every attempt. They had called a truce somewhere along the line for Ryan's sake, but Ryan - the tie that kept them tethered - was gone now. What would become of them? Kendall worried for Greenlee and Emma, and for Spike, and for anyone who had ever known and loved Ryan Lavery, including herself. Ryan had been such a major part of _Kendall _for so long. She wasn't sure what she was doing anymore but she told herself that she had to try to keep everyone together, somehow, someway.

She sighed, inwardly, not loud enough for anyone to overhear her. She watched as Greenlee finally reached the landing. Kendall immediately moved over to her friend and wrapped her arm around Greenlee's teeny-tiny waist. Greenlee sagged gratefully against Kendall for a second, a very brief second, before straightening her posture and pasting a determined expression on her oh-so-pretty face. Kendall knew that Greenlee was trying her damndest to appear strong but that the facade was so close to completely crumbling to pieces. If Greenlee started crying right then, Kendall knew she would be tempted to do so as well. Then everything would come toppling down to the ground, right then and there, in the middle of an overcrowded LAX airport terminal – just a mere two days before what should have been a happy Thanksgiving.

"Gate 478," Kendall whispered in Greenlee's ear. "It should be right around that corner. We just gotta hurry."

Greenlee nodded and Kendall moved in time with her. They moved slower than was wise on a time-crunch but the kids followed them and they all finally arrived at the gate. Kendall opened her clutch purse and withdrew their five tickets, passing them to a chunky, pimply-faced female ticket collector standing at the entrance to the jet way. Kendall shivered a little underneath her black dress coat. There _should_ be six tickets. When they used to travel with the Laverys (which was quite often in the past), there had always been six tickets. Five was an odd number. Uneven. It felt just very _wrong._

Kendall tried to shake off her depressing thoughts as they were soon boarding the plane. They found their seats in First Class, settling in as best as they could. Emma took a row by herself, seeming to prefer solitary right now. The boys sat together in the middle row and Kendall sunk into a seat beside Greenlee across the aisle.

Greenlee pressed her forehead to the window and stared out the glass. Kendall watched her, unsure of what to do or say. Kendall had never _not _known what to say to her best friend, _never._ Right then, she desperately wanted to tell Greenlee that everything was going to be alright but it would be a lie. Greenlee was a widow. _Again._ A widow _two times_ over. It was so wrong. Greenlee was supposed to get her happy ending, the one she had fought tooth and nail for. Kendall had actually thought that of the two of them, Greenlee would be the one to end up with everything that she had desired. Kendall was even okay with it; she hadn't begrudged her friend _completeness._

But Greenlee had lost again, which meant she had to start over _again._

The flight attendants came around then and instructed them to put on their seatbelts. They would be taking off in two minutes. Kendall watched Greenlee for a moment more and then pressed her head back against her seat cushion. They were soon taxiing down the runway.

As the nose of the plane arched up to touch the sky, Kendall whispered to Greenlee, "I'm sorry."

Greenlee didn't speak but Kendall felt her friend latch onto her hand, and hold on tightly, as if for dear life.

By the time they had hit maximum altitude and the seatbelt lights went off, Kendall was feeling oddly restless. She wanted to order some red wine to quiet her nerves but instead settled for a club soda. She looked over at her boys. Ian was hacking away at some mini-video game console and Spike was resting against the seat, ankles crossed, listening to his IPod with his eyes closed. Kendall sincerely doubted that he was asleep.

Kendall's eyes wandered over to Emma. She was sitting rigidly in the overstuffed chair, tapping her perfect French-tipped nails on the arm rest. She stared straight ahead at something Kendall couldn't even pretend to see.

Kendall finally turned back to Greenlee, lightly nudging her with her elbow. "Cosmo?" She asked.

Greenlee shook her head. "I seriously can't get drunk on the flight."

"We'll be up here for five-plus hours, Greenlee. Besides, one Cosmo never hurt anyone."

"Then why did you order soda?" Greenlee asked. Kendall looked away. "Oh. Because you have to be the chaperon, the responsible one. Or you think you do. But you don't, okay? Cause I'm fine."

"Really?"

"Kendall, come on. Just don't do this."

"You're allowed to not be 'fine' right now, Greens. Your husband –"

"I know," Greenlee practically spat. "I know. He's dead. Ryan's dead. Just like Leo before him. They're dead and they're not coming back. Do you really think that I can just forget that – even for a second?"

"No, of course not."

Greenlee grimaced. "You know, I can't just lie down and cry and cry some more like I did with Leo. Emma needs me to be strong for her." 

"She understands that you're human."

"Look, Kendall, I appreciate what you're doing – the whole, 'I'll be strong for you right now because you can't be' routine - but I won't come apart right now. I need to get thru this funeral and if I start really balling now…"

Kendall sighed. "You probably hate me."

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean, it was my idea to bury Ryan back in Pine Valley, next to Braeden, Erin and Sarah. Maybe I just –just pushed for this too hard. We could have scattered his ashes out over the ocean like Californians always do…"

"No, you were right about this. This isn't easy – in fact, it's anything but … However; Pine Valley was Ryan's home for such a long time... I think he would approve of us laying him to rest there. I mean, he would, right?" She sniffled and lowered her voice. "He really didn't tell me, you know. We thought we'd have another forty years together, at the very least. So we didn't make any funeral plans and now I don't know… I don't know what to do." Greenlee's eyes wetted with tears. "I don't want to cry, Kendall. I told you I don't want to cry. Especially not in front of the kids."

"Uh … Well, Greenlee, your nose … it's really shiny," Kendall suddenly pronounced. "Maybe you should go powder it a little. Or a lot."

Greenlee nodded, giving Kendall a grateful look. "God. You're right. It's probably impossibly shiny right now. I'll just use the restroom and uh, powder my nose. Then I'll come back and I'll be… I'll be fine."

Kendall scooted her legs aside so Greenlee could move past her. Greenlee hurried to the lavatory and shut the door tightly after her.

Kendall looked over at the kids again. They stared back at her for a second and she knew that they weren't buying this. They knew that Greenlee didn't care about having a shiny nose right now. They knew that she was going to cry – or sob, more likely. She needed to cry and she needed to grieve… The truth was that they all did.

_**To be continued. FEEDBACK PLEASE.**_


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